So Many Hurting Hearts

I should be doing so many other things right now, but my heart is full for friends who are suffering. My friend Annette's 18-month-old grandson has been diagnosed with a rare and aggressive and very deadly form of cancer. Another friend's parents were just called to serve in Europe directing one of the youth centers--a perfect mission for them--and her mom was diagnosed a few days later with aggressive lymphoma. My sister-in-law Pam is having surgery soon to remove a cancerous lump from her breast. We don't yet know the course of treatment after that. President Montross' daughter gave birth many weeks early to a 3.6 lb son. And on Facebook this morning, my friend Becky said that she went to the doctor yesterday for abdominal pain and is now scheduled for a full hysterectomy to remove two grapefruit-size growths on her ovaries.

These are hard, hard things to deal with, and there is even more pain that is invisible and without a doctor's diagnosis. I am grateful that the Lord can heal our unseen wounds, as well, if we will turn to Him with all our hearts. And I am grateful that He can give us peace and comfort even in times of unbearable anguish. And I am so very grateful that while the pains and agonies of this world last for a time, in the end He will dry all our tears and give us beauty for ashes.

Permission to be Imperfect

I read an article last week on "Choose the Right." In general, I think that is the best course of action. I don't dispute that. And yes, we need to teach that to our children. Parents are responsible to teach their children, and we launch them into mortal life, so we must help them understand the choices before them and how to choose the right course.

But we also need to give them permission to be imperfect. Do they somehow think that we expect that they will always choose the right? That if they take a piece of candy from a friend's house or push down their little brother, then they have failed and fallen from grace? Along with choosing the right, we teach the steps of repentance, the way to be forgiven, and the truth that the Savior has paid for our sins. But do they really get that it's OK and normal and expected to make bad choices? Or do they feel an overwhelming sense of duty to always do right or else they will lose our love and approval? That's a heavy burden for little shoulders.

We're not teaching them that we won't love them anymore if they sin. But maybe we need to go a step further in the opposite direction--to share with them that we make the wrong choices, and we did when we were kids, and we will when we're much, much older than we are now. And Heavenly Father still loves us, and our parents still loved us, and we hope our children will continue to love us as we make mistakes and then correct them and repent--and that goes both ways. We will love each other and support each other and help each other to recognize poor choices and get back on track. We're going to do that a lot, but that's OK, because we continue to love God and to want to do right, and He will help us and forgive us and heal us.

Random Thoughts on Parenting

Thoughts on Parenting and Mental Health

Our Bodies

One of the greatest gift a mother can give her daughters is to love her own body. Not just accept it, not just try to avoid talking about how fat/wrinkly/straight-haired/frizzy-haired she is, but to truly appreciate the gift of a physical body and the amazing things it does. When we’re cut, it heals itself (unlike the sofa). When we do a new exercise, and we’re sore the next day, if we continue by the next week we’ve adapted. Our bodies digest food and pump blood and see and hear and feel. What a difference it would make to our daughters to hear us express appreciation for our bodies instead of dissatisfaction or disgust.

What if we saw our body as our friend, as our partner in this mortal world? What if we saw ourselves working together? Would we be more inclined to eat fruits and vegetables, because we care about our body and want to give it the things that makes it happy? Would we try to move every day, for the same reason?

In a society where women are constantly dissatisfied with their weight, or cup size, or nails or toes or noses, what if we stopped trying to surgically fix our problems in an effort to find happiness, and just focused on gratitude and contentment for what we already have? We can let our daughters know that happiness is not rooted in what we imagine others think when they look at us. How would that change our daughters’ lives?

So talk about it. Get your own attitude straight, and then share it with your daughters. Love your bodies. Celebrate your bodies! Is it cancer-free? Halleluah! Can you walk around the block? Do all your senses work reasonably well? Can you enjoy the feel of the Spring sun warming your back? Then stop griping and love your body and give that gift to your daughter.

What Do We Want?

If you want to understand someone, determine what she believes will bring her happiness. Then the reasons for her choices are clear.

We all want to be happy. Our decisions depend on what we think will bring us happiness: Beauty? Possessions? Friends and family? Career success? Religion? Whatever we set our heart on becomes our god and we worship at its altar. Because all we really want is to be happy.

Addictions are efforts to soothe. Anxiety brings pain and discomfort. Where can I turn to be soothed? Where can I turn for peace? Prayer is a nice idea, but a chocolate chip cookie is handier and quicker.

Where we put our trust reveals a lot about our character and our motivation. And it determines whether we make a choice that results in happiness, or just more misery masquerading as a quick fix.

Choose the Right

Our kids don’t understand that it’s OK to choose the wrong sometimes. That is normal, and to be expected, and it’s why we have a Savior. But we don’t always explain that part as carefully, because we don’t want to give them license for wrong choices. So we put incredible pressure—more than we ever realize or intend—to always Choose the Right, to always be kind, to always be honest, to always work hard and do their best and make Heavenly Father happy. Except you know what? They can’t. They can’t always Choose the Right, and then what have we got? Failure. But they don’t know yet that’s the norm. Heavenly Father even knew it would be the norm. We will never be good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or kind enough, or honest enough. Never. We won’t. But that’s OK. We try, and sometimes we succeed, and sometimes we fail, and that’s why the Savior helps us every day. Because we need to repent every day, and try again tomorrow, and we’re going to need to repent then, too. Even when we’re old. But He always loves us. And He loves us even when we try and fail. Because we wanted to succeed, and He’ll make it right. That’s the plan.

Mental Health Days

Boy, was 100% attendance a mistake. Some days it’s better to be home. No, it won’t become a habit. No, it’s not avoiding problems rather than facing them head on. It’s just sometimes you need a day. And then you can go back. But that day? That’s freedom. That’s having some control. That’s not being trapped. And knowing that it’s there every once in awhile is just enough to keep going the other days.

Chicago Trip

Hmm, so apparently I should have uploaded these in reverse order. I knew that, but it's hard to go backwards when I have an orderly list all made out. So here is my trip with Rosalind to Chicago--in reverse order.

Actually, we did start out on the train, but this is a picture of us returning--see the fatigue in my eyes? Rosalind looks a bit peppier, but that's because she slept in the car all the way to Michigan City, and then on my lap most of the way to Chicago while I smoothed her hair. I, on the other hand, got my nap sitting on a chair outside the dressing room at Forever 21 on Michigan Ave, with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. Who looks better rested?

We went to Fox & Obel, an amazing gourmet grocery store just West of Navy Pier. We bought quite a bit of belgium dark chocolate, as a easily-carried gift for Mom and Dad and David. We also split this delicious baked fruit tart--see the layer of marzipan?
We started out our day in Chicago with lunch at Rick Bayless' Xoco. Rosalind had a torta with smoked pork loin, bacon, black beans, avocados, and chipotle mayonnaise. She said it was amazing.

I had a caldo, which means hot soup with lots of stuff and an enormous spoon. See all my woodland mushrooms and black beans and potato-dumpling-type stuff and onions and greens? It was delicious--but very, very big.

We started out with chips, salsa, guacamole, and spanish hot chocolate which is like hot dark chocolate pudding. The guac was excellent, and the salsas were smokey (red) and sweet/hot (green).

Great time in Chicago. We also walked, and walked, and walked; shopped, and shopped, and shopped; ate buns from Wow Bao; got hand massages at Lush inside Macy's on State Street; and wished we had more energy to wander even farther. All in all, a great day. But next time, I want to go South of Randolph. Anyone want to come?

Walks and smoothies

OK, I think I've figured out how to post with pictures to Blogger. It seems that I should load all the pictures first, in reverse order, then add the copy afterward. Is that right, Rachael?

So here we are in the woods/playground on Sunday morning before the Conference broadcast.



Isaac likes to find his own way.


Kim came with us to keep the kids company. And she and Rosalind plan out their lives after graduation.

The kids seemed to relish the whole smoothie experience.

Juliet enjoyed her smoothie and ended up looking like a very satisfied French gormand.

Conference Weekend

We had a great time at Rachael and Neil's over Conference weekend. Rosalind made green smoothies one day; she had a hard time keeping up with Isaac's demands for more! You can tell that the kids really liked them.

I'm not too sure about this picture posting stuff; maybe I need a tutorial.

New Blog Site

 
I've decided to switch my blog to Blogger, since it's easier to post pictures, and pictures are what people are really interested in, right? So I'm starting out with our trip to Rachael's over Conference Weekend. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of us gathered around watching Conference, because I was busy taking notes, of course. But we did eat some fun stuff and go on an exciting walk in the woods, so I'll share some photos from that.
Except it looks like those will be in the next post. Techical difficulties, but enjoy this single picture anyway.